Alright, fellow tape-heads, let's rewind to a time when action movies didn't need nine-figure budgets or seamless CGI to blow your mind (or at least, entertain you immensely on a Friday night). Flickering on the tube tonight is a true artifact of the direct-to-video golden age: 1988's Picasso Trigger. If the name Andy Sidaris rings a bell, you already know what kind of glorious, sun-drenched chaos awaits. If not, buckle up – this is pure, unadulterated VHS Heaven.
### Bullets, Babes, and Blow-Ups: The Sidaris Special
Picasso Trigger isn't just a movie; it's an experience. It plunges us back into the world of L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law) agents, first introduced in Sidaris' earlier outings like Malibu Express (1985) and the legendary Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987). Our nominal hero is Travis Abilene, played with stoic, square-jawed resolve by Steve Bond, taking over the lead duties. He's hunting the titular assassin, Picasso Trigger, who offed his partner Salazar (the returning Rodrigo Obregón, seen mostly in flashbacks from Hard Ticket) with, naturally, an exploding frisbee. Yes, you read that right. The plot, as is often the case with Sidaris, is more of a loose framework to hang explosive set pieces and lingering shots of beautiful women in swimwear upon.
And honestly? That's exactly why we loved renting these things. Sidaris, who cut his teeth directing sports for ABC (including Monday Night Football!), had a unique eye. He knew how to frame action, sure, but he also knew his target audience craved escapism – exotic locales (mostly Hawaii and Louisiana standing in for global hotspots), impossibly attractive agents played by former Playboy Playmates like the returning duo of Dona Speir (Donna) and Hope Marie Carlton (Taryn), and gadgets that looked suspiciously like modified sporting equipment. It's a formula, yes, but executed with such brazen enthusiasm it becomes almost avant-garde in its commitment to the bit.
### Real Stunts, Real Danger, Real 80s Action
Let's talk about the action, because that's where Picasso Trigger, despite its obvious budget limitations, often shines in that charmingly gritty VHS way. Forget polished digital replacements – when a boat explodes here, you feel the heat through the screen. Sidaris packed his films with practical stunts that felt genuinely dangerous. Remember that insane sequence involving a helicopter, a speedboat, and a rocket launcher? It’s ludicrous, improbable, and utterly fantastic precisely because you know those are real vehicles and real stunt performers risking it all.
There's a raw energy to these scenes that modern, overly smoothed-out action sequences often lack. The car chases feel hefty, the gunfire has a satisfying thwack, and the explosions – oh, the explosions! Sidaris reportedly built up a library of explosion footage he’d reuse across films, a thrifty B-movie trick that just adds to the charm. One particularly memorable bit involves an agent using a tricked-out crossbow that fires explosive bolts – pure, unadulterated 80s excess. It’s the kind of tactile filmmaking that made you lean closer to the CRT, static hum and all. Was it always convincing? Maybe not. But was it exciting? Absolutely.
### More Than Just Scenery
While the plot might meander like a tourist lost after too many Mai Tais, the cast seems fully committed to the absurdity. Steve Bond plays Abilene straight, providing a necessary anchor amidst the chaos. Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton, returning as agents Donna and Taryn, handle their action beats and suggestive dialogue with equal aplomb. Their presence wasn't just decorative; they were integral to the Sidaris "Bullets, Bombs, and Babes" brand, becoming cult icons in their own right. Adding to the fun are familiar Sidaris players like Harold Diamond as Donovan and the always enjoyable Cynthia Brimhall as Edy.
Behind the camera, Sidaris wasn't just the director; he wrote it too, ensuring his singular vision – a blend of espionage thriller, travelogue, and T&A spectacle – remained undiluted. The dialogue might range from serviceable exposition to unintentionally hilarious ("He's using fish hooks... what an animal!"), but it's delivered with a conviction that sells the whole package. Even the synth-heavy score screams late-80s video store shelf. It wasn’t aiming for critical acclaim (and certainly didn't get it back then), but it knew exactly what its audience wanted: 90 minutes of pure, escapist fun. Finding this tape felt like discovering hidden treasure, a secret handshake among action fans who appreciated the sheer audacity of it all. I vividly remember the slightly worn clamshell case promising adventure, and Sidaris always delivered his version of it.
### The Verdict
Picasso Trigger is undeniably a product of its time. The gender politics are dated, the plot is paper-thin, and some of the acting is... well, let's call it enthusiastic. But judging it by modern blockbuster standards misses the point entirely. This is peak Andy Sidaris, a director who carved out a unique niche with low budgets, high concepts (often involving exploding objects), and exotic scenery. It's cheesy, yes, but it's our cheese. The practical effects have a certain weight, the commitment to the formula is admirable, and the whole thing radiates a kind of innocent, explosive charm that’s hard to resist.
Rating: 7/10 - This score reflects its status as a highly entertaining piece of 80s B-movie action royalty. It delivers exactly what it promises with infectious energy, impressive practical stunts for its budget, and that unmistakable Sidaris flair. It’s not high art, but it’s high-octane, low-budget fun done right.
Final Thought: Forget logic, embrace the exploding frisbees and Hawaiian shirts – Picasso Trigger is a blast from the past that proves sometimes, the most fun action movies are the ones held together by sheer willpower, practical effects, and maybe a little bit of hairspray. Still wildly watchable? For fans of the era, absolutely.