Okay, fellow tapeheads, let’s rewind to a time when video store shelves held mysteries wrapped in glorious, often misleading, cover art. Sometimes you’d grab a tape based purely on a familiar face or a title that screamed “ACTION!” only to pop it in the VCR and discover… something else entirely. Something wonderfully, bafflingly weird. Friends, let's talk about 1983’s Taiwanese treasure (or glorious trainwreck, depending on your mood): Fantasy Mission Force.
### Wait, What Did I Just Rent?
The premise, on paper, sounds almost straightforward for the era: World War II is raging, a gaggle of Allied generals (including one who looks suspiciously like Abraham Lincoln… yes, really) are captured, and it’s up to a ragtag band of heroic misfits to rescue them. Standard stuff, right? Wrong. So gloriously, spectacularly wrong. From the opening moments, director Chu Yen-ping, a filmmaker known for his lightning-fast production schedules and sometimes… eclectic results, throws coherence out the window like an empty soda can from a speeding Trans Am. What unfolds is less a war film and more a fever dream stitched together with slapstick, baffling character introductions, surprisingly brutal action beats, and moments of pure, unadulterated WTF-ery. I distinctly remember renting this one weekend, drawn in by the promise of Jackie Chan action, and spending the next 90 minutes alternately laughing, scratching my head, and wondering if my VCR’s tracking was permanently shot.
### The Not-So-Magnificent Seven (Plus Guests)
Leading the charge, sort of, is Don Wen (Jimmy Wang Yu), a grizzled mercenary type trying to assemble his team. Wang Yu, a legend from the Shaw Brothers era thanks to classics like One-Armed Swordsman (1967), brings a certain weary gravitas that feels almost out of place amidst the lunacy. Then there’s the stunning Brigitte Lin as Lily, looking impossibly glamorous even while dodging bullets and explosions. Seeing her here, years before her iconic turns in films like Swordsman II (1992) and Wong Kar-wai’s Chungking Express (1994), is a trip in itself – a top-tier dramatic actress dropped into B-movie mayhem.
And yes, then there’s Jackie Chan. His face often plastered prominently on the VHS box, promising the acrobatic brilliance we knew from films like Drunken Master (1978). Retro Fun Fact: Chan’s appearance here is essentially an extended cameo, likely filmed quickly as a favor or to fulfill a contractual obligation – a common occurrence in the Hong Kong film industry back then. He pops up as Sammy, a hustler seemingly unconnected to the main plot for a while, gets a couple of decent (though brief) fight scenes, and then… well, let’s just say his character arc is abrupt. Anyone renting this solely for wall-to-wall Jackie action likely felt a bit short-changed, even if his brief moments are energetic.
### Exploding Chickens and Amazon Warriors
Where Fantasy Mission Force truly earns its cult stripes is in its utterly bonkers tonal shifts and set pieces. One minute it’s trying to be a gritty war adventure, the next it devolves into Three Stooges-level comedy (watch out for those exploding chickens!). The action, when it happens, is pure 80s Hong Kong grit – lots of squibs, guys flying backwards from shotgun blasts, and practical stunt work that feels chaotic and dangerous, even if it lacks the polish of bigger-budget productions. Remember how real those bullet hits looked back then, before digital cleanup? This film has that raw, messy energy in spades.
But nothing prepares you for the film’s infamous detour into… Amazon warrior territory? Complete with fur bikinis, haunted houses, and hopping vampires (yes, hopping vampires in a WWII movie). It’s a sequence so jarringly out of place, so wonderfully absurd, that it becomes the film's most memorable segment. Retro Fun Fact: Rumors have persisted for years about the film incorporating stock footage, with some eagle-eyed viewers claiming they spotted shots lifted from Star Wars – specifically AT-AT walkers during a snowy sequence. While definitive proof is elusive, the sheer low-budget audacity makes you want to believe it. It speaks volumes about the “anything goes” spirit of filmmaking at the time. Director Chu Yen-ping reportedly banged this out incredibly fast, and that whirlwind energy bleeds through every frame.
### A Product of Its Time, Gloriously So
Watching Fantasy Mission Force today is like unearthing a time capsule filled with cheap fireworks, confusing maps, and movie star charisma battling valiantly against narrative anarchy. It’s messy, it’s incoherent, the dubbing is often hilarious, and the plot makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine. And yet… there’s an undeniable charm to its madness. It’s the kind of film that thrived in the VHS era – a bizarre oddity you’d discover late at night, maybe with friends, fueling yourselves with pizza and disbelief. It wasn’t trying to be high art; it was trying to be everything, all at once, on a shoestring budget. The practical effects, the raw stunts, the sheer commitment to the escalating absurdity – it feels incredibly tangible compared to today's often sterile, CGI-heavy action landscape.
Rating: 6/10
Justification: Let's be clear: judged by conventional standards of filmmaking (coherent plot, consistent tone, character development), Fantasy Mission Force is arguably a disaster. However, judged as a piece of wonderfully bizarre 80s VHS-era entertainment, a cult oddity fueled by misguided ambition and baffling creative choices? It’s a minor classic of enjoyable nonsense. The rating reflects its high rewatch value for the right audience – those who appreciate cinematic weirdness and the raw energy of low-budget 80s action, warts and all. It earns points for sheer audacity, unintentional humor, and giving us Brigitte Lin fighting alongside… well, everyone else.
Final Word: Coherent? No. Brilliant? Debatable. Unforgettable? Absolutely. Fantasy Mission Force is the cinematic equivalent of channel surfing during a fever dream – confusing, exhilarating, and guaranteed to stick in your memory long after the tape clicks off. A must-see for connoisseurs of glorious B-movie chaos.