Okay, fellow tapeheads, let’s rewind to a corner of the video store you might have missed unless you were feeling adventurous, or maybe your usual action flicks were all rented out. Stumbling upon Juliusz Machulski's 1984 Polish gem Sexmission (original title: Seksmisja) felt like uncovering a secret handshake – a film that looked like one thing on the box but delivered something wonderfully weirder, smarter, and funnier than you could have guessed. Forget explosions for a moment; this is a different kind of 80s blast.
### Hibernation Hangover
The setup is pure, delicious pulp: two regular guys, the suave Max (Olgierd Łukaszewicz) and the more neurotic Albert (Jerzy Stuhr), volunteer for the first human hibernation experiment in 1991. The plan? Wake up in three years. The reality? They surface in 2044 to discover a nuclear war wiped out all men, and they're now the only males left in a highly organized, subterranean society run entirely by women. Oh, and this new world views men as primitive, dangerous relics, planning to "naturalize" (surgically convert) our heroes into compliant females. It’s a fish-out-of-water premise cranked up to eleven, playing initially like a raucous sex comedy but revealing layers sharp enough to cut glass.
### The Last Men Standing (or Running)
What truly elevates Sexmission beyond its potentially provocative title and premise are the lead performances. Łukaszewicz and Stuhr, both legendary Polish actors, have phenomenal chemistry. Max is the confident schemer, always looking for an angle (and usually, a woman), while Albert is the more pragmatic, often panicked scientist caught in a nightmare he can barely comprehend. Their banter, their bickering, their shared moments of sheer disbelief – it’s comedic gold. They navigate this sterile, pastel-toned matriarchy with a blend of bewilderment and sheer survival instinct that’s incredibly engaging. You genuinely root for these relics of a bygone era, even as they bumble through protocols and escape attempts.
### More Than Meets the Eye: Satire Under the Surface
Here's where Sexmission gets really interesting, especially when you remember it was made in Communist Poland in the early 80s. What starts as a battle of the sexes quickly reveals itself as a biting satire of totalitarianism. The all-female society isn't just man-free; it's a world of surveillance, historical revisionism ("Copernicus was a woman!"), propaganda, mandatory exercises, and rigid conformity enforced by the imposing League. Sound familiar? Retro Fun Fact: Director Juliusz Machulski (who also gave us the brilliant heist comedy Vabank in 1981) masterfully smuggled this sharp critique past the censors, wrapping it in the seemingly frivolous guise of a sci-fi comedy. Reportedly, the film was so popular in Poland that many of its lines became common catchphrases, a testament to how deeply its satirical wit resonated. It's fascinating to know that while it passed largely uncensored at home, the Soviet Union release saw significant cuts, altering the ending and removing much of the "problematic" content – proving just how potent the satire was.
### Building a Future in a Salt Mine
Visually, Sexmission doesn't boast blockbuster effects, but it uses its resources brilliantly. The underground world feels tangible, believable in its own stylized way. The sets have that distinctively stark, somewhat functional 80s sci-fi aesthetic that feels both dated and charming now. Forget sleek CGI; this was about practical sets and clever design. Retro Fun Fact: Much of the film's unique underground environment wasn't built on a soundstage but filmed in the stunning, real-life Wieliczka Salt Mine near Kraków, Poland. Those vast, echoing caverns and salt-carved chambers give the film an incredible sense of scale and atmosphere that simply couldn't be replicated with green screens. It looked impressively vast and alien back on a fuzzy CRT, a testament to ingenious location scouting over digital trickery. Remember how real those physical spaces felt in older sci-fi, before everything became a pixel?
### Legacy of the League
The film was a colossal success in Poland and remains a beloved classic there, frequently topping "best Polish film" polls. Its blend of laugh-out-loud comedy, sharp social commentary, and memorable characters struck a chord that still resonates. Watching it today, some of the gender politics might feel a bit… well, 80s. The portrayal of the female society leans into stereotypes at times, but it’s crucial to view it through the lens of its primary satirical target: the absurdity and dehumanization of any totalitarian regime, regardless of gender. The humor holds up remarkably well, thanks to the tight script and the impeccable comedic timing of Łukaszewicz and Stuhr.
***
VHS Heaven Rating: 8.5/10
Justification: Sexmission earns this high score for its sheer cleverness, managing to be both genuinely funny and surprisingly insightful. The lead performances are outstanding, the satirical edge remains sharp, and the unique premise is executed with wit and style. Its ingenious use of real locations like the Wieliczka Salt Mine adds immense production value. While some aspects feel dated, its core intelligence and comedic energy make it a standout example of smart, subversive Eastern Bloc filmmaking from the VHS era.
Final Rewind: This isn't just a quirky sci-fi comedy; it's a Trojan horse of satire smuggled onto your VCR. Sexmission is proof that sometimes the most memorable tapes were the weirdest ones, offering laughs and something genuinely thought-provoking long after the tracking went fuzzy. A must-find for anyone digging for intelligent, offbeat 80s cinema.