Alright Crypt Keepers, grab your popcorn and adjust the tracking on that VCR in your mind. Tonight, we're digging up a curious cadaver from the mid-90s video store crypt: Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood (1996). Remember thumbing past this provocative cover, maybe next to its predecessor Demon Knight? It promised ghouls, gore, and giggles, a cocktail the HBO series perfected. But could the Crypt Keeper’s magic strike twice on the big screen? Let's just say the results were… memorable, if not entirely for the intended reasons.
### From the Crypt to the Chaos
Stepping out of the shadows cast by the surprisingly solid Demon Knight (1995), Bordello of Blood had big, blood-soaked boots to fill. The premise is pure Tales from the Crypt: a conservative religious group hires cynical, wisecracking private investigator Rafe Guttman to find a missing delinquent brother. The trail leads, naturally, to a funeral home that secretly operates as a vampire brothel run by the dangerously seductive Lilith. Sounds like a recipe for pulpy perfection, right?
The film immediately hits you with its specific brand of mid-90s attitude, largely thanks to its star, Dennis Miller. Plucked from his Saturday Night Live "Weekend Update" desk and late-night talk show, Miller essentially plays… Dennis Miller. His Rafe Guttman is less a hardboiled detective and more a walking thesaurus of sarcastic similes, firing off observational quips even when facing fang-faced fiends. This casting choice became one of the film's most defining – and divisive – elements.
Here’s a juicy Retro Fun Fact: the role of Rafe Guttman was notoriously difficult to cast. Initial Tales from the Crypt plans involved a different story altogether, but when production shifted to Bordello, producers like Joel Silver and Robert Zemeckis scrambled. Names like Bruce Campbell, Tim Curry, Bill Paxton, and even Anthony Michael Hall were reportedly in the mix before Miller landed the part. Miller himself has been famously candid about his dislike for the filmmaking process and the final product, feeling his ad-libs were often cut and the direction stifling. Love him or hate him in the role, his performance is undeniably central to the film's peculiar energy.
### Sink Your Teeth Into This… Or Don't
Opposite Miller is Erika Eleniak (Under Siege, Baywatch) as Katherine Verdoux, the concerned sister funding the investigation, and supermodel Angie Everhart as the vampiric madam Lilith. Everhart certainly looks the part, channeling a potent mix of predatory allure and ancient evil. Eleniak plays the straight woman to Miller's relentless snark, tasked with grounding the increasingly absurd plot. We also get genre stalwart Chris Sarandon (Fright Night, Child's Play) chewing the scenery (and maybe a neck or two) as the fire-and-brimstone preacher Reverend Current. And keep an eye out for a brief, almost obligatory 90s appearance by Corey Feldman.
Director Gilbert Adler, a veteran of the HBO Tales from the Crypt series, tries to maintain the show's signature blend of horror and humor. However, translating that short-form punchiness into a feature film proves challenging. The pacing sometimes feels uneven, caught between Miller’s stand-up routine and the vampire carnage.
Speaking of carnage, this is a Tales from the Crypt joint, after all. The practical effects are where Bordello of Blood often shines with that tangible, gooey 90s charm. Remember how real those melting vampires and exploding bodies looked before CGI took over completely? There are stake impalements, decapitations, and buckets of bright red stage blood flung with abandon. One particularly memorable effect involves Lilith splitting a victim down the middle – a gruesome gag achieved with clever prosthetics and camera work that feels delightfully old-school compared to today's slicker, often weightless digital gore. It’s messy, it’s over-the-top, and it’s exactly the kind of visceral thrill we haunted the horror aisle for.
### Behind the Screams
The production itself was reportedly as chaotic as one of Rafe Guttman's metaphors. Another Retro Fun Fact: The script, credited to A L Katz and Gilbert Adler (with story credits reaching back to Zemeckis and Bob Gale, linking it to the show's origins), allegedly underwent significant changes. The film had a decent budget for its time (around $20 million), but struggled to recoup it at the box office, pulling in less than $6 million domestically. Critics were largely unkind, often targeting Miller's performance and the film's uneven tone. Yet, like so many genre flicks from the era, it found a second life on VHS and cable, becoming a minor cult favorite for those who appreciated its campy excesses and Miller's unique brand of horror-comedy commentary. My own well-worn VHS copy certainly got its share of late-night plays back in the day.
The score by Van Dyke Parks tries to capture the spooky-kooky vibe, and the overall aesthetic screams mid-90s – from the fashion choices to the slightly dated feel of some visual effects that might have crept in alongside the practical work. It’s a film firmly rooted in its time, a snapshot of when horror-comedies were leaning heavily into irony and pop culture references.
### Final Judgment from the Crypt
Bordello of Blood is a fascinating artifact. It's messy, tonally schizophrenic, and hampered by a lead actor seemingly at odds with the material. Yet, there’s an undeniable B-movie charm here. The practical gore effects deliver the goods, Angie Everhart makes a striking vampire queen, and the sheer audacity of casting Dennis Miller as an action-horror lead provides a unique, if bizarre, viewing experience. It lacks the tighter plotting and genuine scares of Demon Knight, feeling more like an extended, slightly bloated episode of the TV show.
Was it the glorious follow-up Tales from the Crypt fans deserved? Probably not. But was it a boring watch back on a Friday night with a pizza and maybe a fuzzy picture? Absolutely not. It’s a quintessential slice of mid-90s studio horror-comedy, warts and all.
VHS Heaven Rating: 5/10
The Verdict: A troubled production resulting in a tonally wild ride, Bordello of Blood is saved from the cinematic dumpster by some gnarly practical gore, Angie Everhart's vampy presence, and the sheer WTF factor of Dennis Miller's non-stop sardonic commentary. It’s a definite "love it or hate it" affair, best enjoyed as a time capsule of 90s horror camp rather than a genuinely scary or funny film. Worth a nostalgic revisit if you remember renting it, but maybe keep the fast-forward button handy for some of Rafe's longer rants.