Alright, grab your Ecto Cooler, settle into that comfy armchair, and let's rewind to a time when action heroes didn't need complex backstories – they just needed bigger muscles and more ammo. I'm talking about 1985's Commando, a film that landed on video store shelves like a dropped ammo crate and became an instant VHS legend. Forget nuance, forget subtlety; this is pure, uncut 80s Arnold Schwarzenegger unleashed, and it's glorious.
### One-Man Wrecking Crew
The setup is beautifully simple, almost primal: Retired Delta Force Colonel John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger, fresh off defining cybernetic dread in 1984's The Terminator) just wants to live peacefully in his isolated mountain cabin with his young daughter, Jenny (a very young Alyssa Milano). They share idyllic moments involving deer feeding and ice cream that scream "SOMETHING BAD IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN." Naturally, paradise is shattered when exiled dictator Arius (Dan Hedaya, perfectly slimy) kidnaps Jenny to force Matrix into assassinating a political rival. Arius makes one tiny mistake: he puts Matrix on a plane with other people. Big mistake. Huge.
What follows isn't so much a rescue mission as it is a force of nature carving a path of destruction through California. Matrix has precisely eleven hours (give or take) to get his daughter back, and he’s not stopping for traffic lights, airline regulations, or the laws of physics. Remember that feeling of popping this tape in, the slight fuzz on the screen, knowing you were in for 90 minutes of sheer, unadulterated mayhem? Commando delivered that thrill like a rocket launcher to the face.
### The Art of Analog Action
Let's talk about why this movie felt so impactful back then. This was the zenith of practical effects in action filmmaking. When a car flips, it’s a real car flipping, likely with a very brave stunt performer inside. Those explosions? They’re not meticulously rendered pixels; they’re gasoline, dynamite (or its safer equivalent), and debris flying through the air. The gunfights have a brutal, tangible quality. You see the squibs burst, the sparks fly off metal, the sheer percussive force of it all. Remember the tool shed scene? Pure, practical chaos! Modern CGI often smooths the edges, but Commando offers that raw, almost dangerous energy that defined 80s action. It’s less polished, maybe, but arguably more visceral.
Mark L. Lester, who previously gave us the cult classic Class of 1984 (1982), directs with a straightforward, pedal-to-the-metal approach. There’s no fat here. The pacing is relentless, moving from one outrageous set piece to the next. Helping Matrix (often against her will, initially) is flight attendant Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong), who gets dragged into the chaos after Matrix quite literally drops into her life. Chong provides necessary comic relief and acts as the audience's bewildered surrogate, reacting to the absurdity unfolding around her. Their dynamic, while sometimes feeling like a rapid-fire sketch comedy duo dropped into an war zone, somehow works within the film's heightened reality.
### "Let Off Some Steam, Bennett"
And then there's Bennett. Oh, Bennett. Played with glorious, sweaty intensity by Vernon Wells (Wez from Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981)), Bennett is a disgraced former member of Matrix's unit, sporting Freddie Mercury vibes, a questionable chainmail vest, and a serious grudge. His rivalry with Matrix provides the film's climax – a wonderfully primitive knife fight fueled by pure testosterone and quotable taunts.
Speaking of quotes, Commando is legendary for its one-liners, delivered deadpan by Arnold. Screenwriter Steven E. de Souza (who would later pen another action masterpiece, Die Hard (1988)) reportedly punched up the dialogue significantly, tailoring it to Arnold's unique screen presence. Lines like "I eat Green Berets for breakfast," "Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired," and the immortal "Let off some steam, Bennett" became instant playground and video store fodder. Apparently, the initial script was far more serious, but wisely, they leaned into the star's strengths and the inherent absurdity of the premise. Fun fact: The sheer body count attributed to Matrix in the film is astronomical – estimates often hover around 81 kills personally dispatched by him alone! That’s nearly one kill per minute of screen time!
### Island Assault and 80s Excess
The film culminates in an assault on Arius's island compound that remains a benchmark of solo infiltration mayhem. Matrix gears up (that montage!), rows ashore, and proceeds to wage war single-handedly against an entire private army. Filmed partly at the opulent Harold Lloyd Estate in Beverly Hills (standing in for the island mansion), this sequence is pure wish-fulfillment, an explosive ballet of bullets, grenades, and improbable survivability. James Horner's score, with its distinctive steel drums, adds a unique flavour, perfectly complementing the action without overpowering it.
Made for a relatively modest $10 million, Commando stormed the box office, earning over $57.5 million worldwide and solidifying Schwarzenegger's position as the decade's premier action icon. Critics were mixed, often pointing out the ludicrous plot and cartoonish violence, but audiences didn't care. This was exactly the kind of explosive escapism they craved, and it became a perennial favourite on VHS, watched and rewatched until the tape wore thin.
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VHS Heaven Rating: 9/10
Justification: Commando is the quintessential 80s action blowout. It knows exactly what it is – loud, excessive, and ridiculously entertaining. Arnold is perfectly cast, the practical action hits hard, the one-liners are legendary, and the pacing is relentless. It loses a point perhaps for the sheer implausibility bleeding into outright silliness at times, but that's also part of its charm. This isn't high art; it's high-octane fun, executed with infectious energy.
Final Thought: Forget realism, embrace the absurdity. Commando is a time capsule of pure, unadulterated 80s action joy, best enjoyed loud and without apology – just like finding it on that top shelf at the video store back in the day. Essential viewing.