Alright, fellow tapeheads, let’s rewind to that glorious time when the promise of high-tech action often came wrapped in a decidedly low-budget, wonderfully earnest package. Dig through that mental stack of well-worn VHS boxes, past the blockbusters, and pull out a title that practically screams late-80s rental shelf: Laser Mission (1989). The name alone conjures images of neon beams and futuristic firefights, doesn’t it? Well, buckle up, because the reality is a charmingly dusty, bullets-and-bravado affair starring a charismatic young hero-in-the-making and an acting legend seemingly along for the ride.
### Cold War Leftovers and Desert Dust
The setup is pure, uncut Cold War cliché, arriving just as the Berlin Wall was starting to crumble in real life. CIA mercenary Michael Gold – played by the magnetic Brandon Lee in one of his early leading roles – is dispatched to retrieve the brilliant (and conveniently kidnapped) laser scientist, Professor Braun. And who embodies this Einstein of fictional energy beams? None other than the legendary Ernest Borgnine, looking slightly bewildered but game for anything, bless his heart. The mission takes Gold deep into Soviet-controlled territory (played convincingly by the arid landscapes of South Africa and then-South West Africa, now Namibia), where he must contend with rogue KGB colonels, treacherous double-agents, and the requisite beautiful local contact, Alissa (played by Debi A. Monahan).
Forget sleek espionage; Laser Mission feels grounded, almost gritty, thanks to its palpable budget constraints. This isn't a globe-trotting Bond imitation; it’s more like a dusty, sun-baked safari punctuated by explosions and fisticuffs. And honestly? That's part of its charm. Retro Fun Fact: The film was largely bankrolled by West German producer Hans Kühle, Sr., tapping into that fertile ground of international co-productions hungry for affordable action flicks to fill video store shelves worldwide.
### Brandon Lee: Glimmers of Greatness
Let's be clear: this isn't The Crow. But watching Brandon Lee here is fascinating. You see the raw materials – the physical grace, the easy charm, that spark in his eyes. He handles the action beats with athletic confidence, showcasing glimpses of the martial arts prowess that hinted at his lineage and future potential. The script doesn't give him deep philosophical quandaries to wrestle with; his job is to look cool, dispatch bad guys, and occasionally crack wise. He does it all with an earnestness that makes Gold instantly likeable, even when the dialogue veers into cheesy territory. It’s a performance that makes you appreciate his journey and lament what was lost far too soon.
### All Action, Mostly Practical
Now, about that action. Forget slick CGI – this is the domain of director BJ Davis, a seasoned stunt coordinator and second-unit director making one of his relatively few feature directing efforts. And it shows, in the best way possible for VHS Heaven enthusiasts. The emphasis is squarely on practical stunts, crunchy car chases, and squib-heavy shootouts. Retro Fun Fact: Davis himself had doubled for Telly Savalas on Kojak and worked on countless shows and films; his background ensured that even on a tight budget, the action felt tangible. Remember how real those bullet hits looked back then, before digital blood spray became the norm? Laser Mission delivers that visceral, slightly messy impact. Vehicles flip, huts explode (perhaps a bit too enthusiastically for their size), and stunt performers genuinely put themselves in harm's way. Does it look as polished as today's blockbusters? Of course not. But there’s an undeniable thrill to knowing that what you're seeing largely happened in front of the camera.
### Borgnine, Budgets, and… Lasers?
The presence of Ernest Borgnine remains a delightful anomaly. Fresh off… well, decades of incredible work including an Oscar for Marty (1955), seeing him pop up as a kidnapped scientist in this African adventure adds a layer of pleasing absurdity. He brings his usual professionalism, even if the role mostly requires him to look concerned and occasionally tinker with the titular MacGuffin.
And about that laser... don't expect Star Wars. The "laser" itself is more of a plot device than a visual spectacle. Its power is talked about more than shown, culminating in a climax that feels more reliant on conventional firepower than futuristic beams. It's a classic case of a B-movie title promising slightly more than the budget could deliver, but the ride to get there is enjoyable enough that you don't really mind. The score is suitably synth-heavy and dramatic, perfectly capturing that late-80s action vibe.
### Straight-to-Video Staple
Laser Mission wasn't destined for multiplex glory. It found its natural home on video store shelves, becoming a weekend rental favorite for action fans looking for a fix. Critics at the time largely ignored it or dismissed it, but for audiences discovering Brandon Lee or just wanting some straightforward shoot-em-up fun, it hit the spot. It's a film perfectly calibrated for late-night viewing on a slightly fuzzy CRT screen, the kind of movie you'd stumble upon and happily watch to the end, enjoying the earnest effort and practical mayhem.
Overall Rating: 5/10
Justification: Laser Mission gets a solid 5 primarily for Brandon Lee's charismatic early performance and the undeniable charm of its practical, low-budget 80s action aesthetic. The plot is generic, the dialogue often clunky, and Ernest Borgnine feels hilariously out of place (in an endearing way). However, director BJ Davis delivers competent, tangible stunt work and firefights that satisfy that old-school craving. It’s technically flawed but possesses a certain sincerity and energy that fans of the era, and specifically Brandon Lee completists, will appreciate. It doesn't transcend its B-movie roots, but it embraces them with gusto.
Final Thought: It promised lasers but mostly delivered bullets and dust – a perfect artifact from an era when action movie ambition sometimes outpaced the available resources, and we loved renting it anyway.