Alright, fellow tapeheads, dim the lights, adjust the tracking (mentally, at least), and let’s talk about a film that feels less like a planned movie and more like a glorious, fever-dream collision of everything awesome and baffling about the 80s. I’m talking about the one, the only, Miami Connection (1987). If you stumbled upon this box art in the action aisle back in the day, featuring ninjas, dudes in sleeveless shirts, and lightning bolts, you knew you were in for something. What you got was… well, it was definitely something.
### Ninjas, Rock, and Taekwondo? Yes, Please.
Let’s get the setup straight, because it’s beautifully simple and wonderfully absurd. We follow Dragon Sound, a synth-rock band composed entirely of orphaned Taekwondo masters (yes, you read that right) who live together, study at UCF (University of Central Florida – plot twist!), and play catchy tunes about friendship and fighting ninjas at a local Orlando club. Their onstage charisma and positive message ("Against the Ninja" is an unironic banger, fight me) puts them at odds with a rival band, whose disgruntled manager foolishly hires a gang of motorcycle-riding ninjas (!?) led by the menacing Yashito (Si Y Jo) to eliminate Dragon Sound. Oh, and there’s a subplot involving stolen cocaine and reuniting one band member, John (Vincent Hirsch), with his long-lost father. It's… a lot.
The sheer audacity of this premise is part of the magic. This wasn't some cynical cash-grab; it was the passion project of star, co-writer, and real-life Taekwondo Grandmaster, Y.K. Kim. He genuinely believed in the film's message of peace, friendship, and kicking ninja butt. A fascinating retro fun fact: Kim poured a significant chunk of his own money, reportedly around $1 million (a hefty sum then, imagine close to $2.8 million today!), into making this movie happen, convinced it would be a global phenomenon spreading the positive tenets of Taekwondo.
### Action Born From Passion (and Maybe Some Bruises)
Okay, let's talk about the main event: the action. Forget polished choreography and invisible wires. The fight scenes in Miami Connection have a raw, almost documentary-like feel at times. Because, well, these weren't primarily actors – they were Y.K. Kim's actual martial arts students! When Mark (Kim) or bass player Jack (Joseph Diamand, who also co-wrote) unleashes a flurry of kicks, it feels grounded and real in that distinctly 80s way. Remember how impactful those practical stunts felt before CGI smoothed everything over? There’s a genuine weight to the movements here.
Sure, some of the editing is choppy, and the staging can be a bit awkward, but the commitment is undeniable. You see real practitioners performing complex Taekwondo forms and techniques. The final showdown in the streets and train yards is a glorious ballet of low-budget mayhem, featuring sword fights, improbable ninja vanishing acts, and some surprisingly brutal moments. There's an earnestness to the violence that feels leagues away from today's often sterile, hyper-edited action sequences. They were really out there, in the Florida heat, throwing down. Another retro fun fact – the film was shot entirely on location in Orlando and the surrounding Central Florida area, despite its misleading title! The landmarks might look familiar if you know the area well.
### "Friends Through Eternity, Loyalty, Honesty..."
Beyond the high kicks and synth beats, Miami Connection possesses an almost overwhelming sincerity. The bond between the members of Dragon Sound – Mark, John, Jack, Jim (Maurice Smith), and Tom (Angelo Janotti) – is presented with zero irony. Their song "Friends" is an anthem of pure, unadulterated loyalty that’s both incredibly cheesy and genuinely heartwarming. It’s this earnestness, juxtaposed with ninjas cutting people down in broad daylight, that gives the film its unique, enduring charm.
The performances range from "wooden" to "endearingly awkward," but that’s part of the appeal. Y.K. Kim radiates intensity and conviction, even when delivering lines like "We must stop the violence... but if we have to fight, we fight to win!" The dialogue is often unintentionally hilarious, packed with philosophical musings on life, friendship, and the ever-present danger of ninjas dealing cocaine. It's quotable in the best possible way.
### From Bomb to Beloved Cult Classic
It's wild to think that Miami Connection, upon its incredibly limited release in 1988 (after being filmed in '87), was an utter disaster. Critics ignored it or savaged it, and audiences stayed away in droves. Y.K. Kim was reportedly devastated. The film vanished, seemingly forever lost to the bargain bins and dusty corners of forgotten video stores.
And then, something amazing happened. Decades later, a programmer at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema found a rare 35mm print on eBay for $50. They screened it, audiences went wild, and Drafthouse Films gave it a proper re-release in 2012. Suddenly, Miami Connection found the audience it deserved – people who could appreciate its bizarre energy, unintentional humor, and genuine heart. It became a midnight movie sensation, a testament to the fact that sometimes, the strangest cinematic brews are the most potent. It even got its killer synth-rock soundtrack officially released!
***
Rating: 7/10
Justification: Miami Connection isn't a "good" movie by conventional standards. The acting is stiff, the plot nonsensical, and the production values are pure 80s low-budget. However, it transcends traditional criticism. It's a film made with such baffling sincerity and unbridled enthusiasm that it becomes incredibly entertaining. The action, while rough, has a palpable energy thanks to the real martial artists involved. The music is unironically catchy, and the sheer WTF factor provides endless joy. It fails as mainstream entertainment but triumphs as a cult masterpiece, radiating a charm that's impossible to fake. This rating reflects its supreme enjoyability as a cult artifact and a unique slice of 80s action weirdness.
Final Take: For a pure, uncut hit of 80s VHS insanity – where Taekwondo masters sing synth-rock anthems about friendship between battling motorcycle ninjas – accept no substitutes. Miami Connection is a party movie, a time capsule, and a glorious testament to passion triumphing over polish. Against the ninja? Always.