Alright, settle in, pop that tape in the VCR (don't worry about tracking adjustment just yet), and let's talk about a slice of 80s buddy-cop gold that perfectly blended reverence with utter ridiculousness: 1987's Dragnet. Forget the gritty realism of today; this was pure, unadulterated Hollywood fun, served up with a side of deadpan delivery that could crack concrete.
This wasn't just another cop movie; it was a passion project fueled by Dan Aykroyd's genuine, lifelong obsession with Jack Webb's original, ultra-serious Dragnet TV series. Aykroyd, who also co-wrote the script alongside Alan Zweibel and director Tom Mankiewicz, is Joe Friday. Not just playing him, but seemingly channeling the spirit of Webb himself, inheriting the mantle of the stoic, by-the-book LAPD sergeant. His rapid-fire, monotone delivery of technical police jargon and blunt observations ("Virgin Connie Swail") is the comedic engine of the film, a hilarious contrast to the chaotic world around him. I distinctly remember renting this back in the day, rewinding Aykroyd's lines just to marvel at how he delivered them without cracking a smile.
### Just the Facts, Ma'am... Mostly
Of course, every straight man needs his wild card, and Dragnet hit the jackpot pairing Aykroyd with a pre-megastar Tom Hanks as Detective Pep Streebek. Hanks, already showing the charisma that would launch him into the stratosphere with films like Big the following year, is the perfect foil. He's the loose, slightly goofy, 80s-savvy cop who rolls his eyes at Friday's rigid formality but clearly respects the man. Their chemistry is immediate and infectious. Watching them navigate Los Angeles, trading barbs and slowly building a grudging respect, is the heart and soul of the movie. Remember Hanks' utterly bewildered reactions to Friday's archaic slang? Pure comedic gold.
The plot itself? Well, it's wonderfully bonkers. A bizarre cult calling themselves P.A.G.A.N. (People Against Goodness And Normalcy – seriously, could it be more 80s?) is causing mayhem, stealing police vehicles, industrial chemicals, and... a whole issue of a pornographic magazine run by the sleazy Jerry Caesar (Dabney Coleman, perfectly cast). It’s up to Friday and Streebek to unravel this increasingly strange conspiracy, led by the outwardly respectable Reverend Jonathan Whirley.
### Cults, Chemicals, and Christopher Plummer
Speaking of Whirley, Christopher Plummer absolutely nails the role. Fresh off decades of distinguished work, he brings a sinister charm and gravitas to the villain that elevates the absurdity. He plays it straight, making the character genuinely menacing even amidst the surrounding comedy. And let's not forget the wonderful Harry Morgan, reprising his role as Bill Gannon from the later Dragnet TV series, now Captain Gannon. It was a lovely touch, connecting this affectionate parody directly to its source material, a nod that fans of the original surely appreciated.
Director Tom Mankiewicz, who cut his teeth writing screenplays for Bond films like Live and Let Die (1973) and The Man with the Golden Gun (1974), and even contributed to Superman: The Movie (1978), knew how to blend action and character. While Dragnet isn't wall-to-wall explosions like some other 80s fare, the pacing is brisk, and the comedy lands consistently. Mankiewicz lets Aykroyd's deadpan and Hanks' reactions do the heavy lifting, framing them against recognizable Los Angeles locations, including a memorable sequence at the Griffith Observatory. The film reportedly cost around $20 million and pulled in a respectable $57 million domestically – a solid hit that found an even bigger life on home video.
### That 80s Sheen (and Rap Sheet)
The film leans into its era without apology. The synth-heavy score by Ira Newborn, the slightly dated fashion, the whole P.A.G.A.N. aesthetic – it’s a time capsule. And who could forget the end credits rap, "City of Crime"? Aykroyd and Hanks, in character, delivering rhymes over a beat – it was bizarre, hilarious, and somehow utterly perfect for the movie. It even became a minor novelty hit! It’s one of those "only in the 80s" moments that makes revisiting films like this so much fun.
While critics at the time were somewhat mixed, audiences connected with the film's humor and heart. It wasn't trying to reinvent the wheel; it was aiming for laughs derived from character clash and affectionate parody, and it succeeded admirably. It cleverly updated the Dragnet formula for a new generation while respecting its origins, a tightrope walk Aykroyd’s dedication clearly helped navigate.
***
VHS Heaven Rating: 8/10
Justification: Dragnet earns this score for its pitch-perfect central pairing, Aykroyd's phenomenal channeling of Joe Friday, Hanks' effortless charisma, and a script that successfully mines laughs from the clash between old-school policing and 80s absurdity. Plummer adds class as the villain, and the film delivers consistent entertainment value, even if the plot is delightfully silly. It might feel a bit dated now, but its charm and wit remain fully intact.
Final Thought: Before CGI smoothed everything over, Dragnet delivered its laughs the old-fashioned way: sharp writing, killer comedic timing, and two stars absolutely sparking off each other. A reminder that sometimes, just the facts (and a great partner) are all you need for a good time.